Friday I went to Josh's house. Lately he has felt distant. Not like he doesn't care distant, just like there was stuff on his mind. I offered to go on a break and we decided we weren't going to do it. We talked about things that were going on but it was kind of like scratching the surface.
I felt a lot better after talking and while we were out in the same area we were going to meet up and go back to my house for the night. But, then, something happened. I'm not sure what happened during this conversation that made him change his mind about the break but he did and now officially we are on a break. He is my best friend. The person I go to for everything. The one I want to tell everything to and now I can't. By my reaction you would've thought we broke up right then and there but that's what it felt like.
I made my way back to my bar as he made his way back to his. I cried the rest of the time at the bar, took off my shoes and walked around barefoot. I couldn't control my tears, they just kept going. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I've never loved someone so much and not been in control of a situation.
I tried to text him the next day and talk to him on the phone but he wasn't responding. Every time I tried to talk he sounded so distant. He didn't sound like the guy I knew for the past 2 1/2 years, which is what has me freaked out the most. I spent my entire Sunday in my bed, leaving once to eat a bowl of cereal of which I couldn't even finish. I couldn't sleep at all and just watched the clock tick away. Thankfully, my work has a different way of operating and I went in for a bit only to come home.
Ok so this blog entry didn't help me feel that much better-at all. He is the most amazing person that I know and I hope that I didn't mess it up for good. Here's to hoping.
So wish I could give you a big hug right now. :( I'm praying for you!
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